Inanna - Deck the Halls!

The Sumerian goddesses Inanna, Ninshubur and Ereshkigal enter the dining hall.  

On the table is an impressive spread:  Stuffed roast turkey, sliced ham, lamb chops, sweet potatoes, large bowls of snap peas, apples, peaches, figs, and other delicacies…

Inanna skips up to the table and jumps into her seat.  She rubs her hands together eagerly.

INANNA

Oh, boy!  Oh, wow, Oh, golly,

 Oh, joy, Oh bliss!  I’m gonna eat 

so much, I’ll vomit!

 

ERESHKIGAL

Just a second, sis!

NINSHUBUR

Don’t you think you’re overlooking 

something?

INANNA

What?  Oh, yes!

Inanna ties a napkin around her neck and picks up a steak knife and fork.

INANNA

All right!  Let’s eat like hogs 

after a truffle hunt!

NINSHUBUR

Now, now, now...

INANNA

What, what, what?

ERESHKIGAL

It is time to sing what 

the modern folk call caroling.

INANNA

Do we know a Carol?   I don’t 

remember us inviting a Carol.

NINSHUBUR

A carol is a song, my dear.

INANNA

So, call it a song!  What’s with 

the twenty shekel words?

ERESHKIGAL

On your feet, rambunctious one!

INANNA

(sighs)

Fine.

Ninshubur takes out a harmonica from her robes and plays a key.

NINSHUBUR

In that key, ladies.

INANNA

What are we singing?

ERESHKIGAL

“Deck the Halls.”

INANNA

All right, that one I know.  

One verse, short and sweet.  

Let’s go!

Ninshubur plays the key on the harmonica again.

GODDESSES

(sing)

Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

'Tis the season to be jolly

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Don we now our gay apparel

Fa la la la, la la la, la la la,

Troll the ancient Yuletide carol

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Inanna claps her hands together.

INANNA

Great!  Let’s…

Ninshubur plays the key on the harmonica again.

INANNA

Wait, what?

NINSHUBUR

There is a second verse.

INANNA

There is?  I thought there was 

only one!  That’s the way it is 

in the movies!

Ninshubur produces a song book of carols.

NINSHUBUR

Let’s sing the second verse, dear.

Inanna exhales impatiently.  She peers at the songbook.

GODDESSES

(sing)

See the blazing yule before us

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Strike the harp and join the chorus

(Fa la la la la, la la la!

Follow me in merry measure

Fa la la la, la la la, la la la,

While I tell of Yuletide treasure

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Inanna slides into her dining chair.

INANNA

Well, that was an epic!  Let’s…

Ninshubur clears her throat.  Ereshkigal taps the song book.

ERESHKIGAL

There’s a third verse, sister dear.

INANNA

Oh, hold on!

ERESHKIGAL

Yes!  That’s precisely what we’re 

going to do.

NINSHUBUR

Up you go, you bundle of energy.

Inanna groans.  She stands up, sidles over to the other two goddesses, and peers at the songbook.  Ninshubur plays the key on her harmonica.

GODDESSES:

(sing)

Fast away, the old year passes

Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Hail the new, ye lads and lasses

Fa la la, la la la, la la la, la la la!

Sing we joyous all together,

Fa la la la, la la la, la la la,

Heedless of the wind and weather,

Fa la la la la, la la la la!  HEY!

Inanna draws a breath.  She looks at Ereshkigal, who smiles.  Inanna then looks at Ninshubur, who also smiles.  Inanna edges toward the dining table, slowly eases herself in to her seat, ties her napkin to her neck, picks up her utensils, and…

NINSHUBUR AND ERESHKIGAL

(sing)

Joy to the world!  The Lord is come!

Let Earth receive her King!

INANNA

Oh, for crying out loud.  

WE’RE NOT EVEN CHRISTIANS!

ERESHKIGAL

Well, then, a happy non-denominational 

solstice to you, Nonny!

NINSHUBUR

Remember, axial tilt is the reason 

for the season!

INANNA

We’re gonna eat soon, right?

NINSHUBUR

We go where our spirits take us, 

honey.

NINSHUBUR AND ERESHKIGAL

(sing)

The first marine, he ate the beans, 

parlez vous!

The second marine, he ate the beans, 

parlez vous!

The third marine he ate the beans

And farted all over the submarine…

INANNA

And now my appetite is gone!  Humbug!

END!

- JJB